Don't Carpe Diem

I LOVE this article written by Glennon Melton found on The Huffington Post website. A friend posted it on Facebook and I think it is so true. Raising kids is hard work and too often we get stuck in the "chronos" time when we need to stop and really look around. We need to take time to hang out in the "kairos" time for a little bit each day and really see the beauty, feel the gratitude, enjoy the blessing.


Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.
Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."
At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."
That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.
Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me.

Cool Yard Sale

We stopped at a yard sale and found something pretty cool....

Just the right size....

Just the right safety equipment...roll bars and seat belts!

Just the right place to store and ride it...

(Nannie and Papa's house because our yard has too many obstacles and fences!)

But WAY too fast for this Mommy!!

Away they go!! Just look at those faces :)

In Nannie and Papa's field, the boys can wind through all 3 gears and have even jumped a hill...yes they got airborn. We made them stop immediately and Wyatt said, "Are we in trouble? I didn't even make Will go that fast!" Another good safety feature is the gas pedal restricter...yes we will be using that!

Happy Easter

Easter morning we came home to find little Easter eggs all over the kitchen floor. The boys said "the Easter bunny must have pooped all those eggs out when he came." The egg trail led the boys to the kitchen table where they found their baskets full!

And Wyatt explained that it wasn't really Easter bunny poop because, "you know the Easter bunny actually poops out jelly beans."

They had time to look through all the goodies, eat a little candy, and play with new toys before getting ready for church.

It was a beautiful day to celebrate the death, burial and resurection of our savior!!

And after church, we headed off to Aunt Jane's for an egg hunt!

Cousin Landon was there, but Noah was sick :(

They hunted and hunted....

And searched and searched....

They found so many eggs!!

 In so many cool places!!

They all had a basket full of goody filled eggs!! Some eggs even had a special gold coin they could trade for a prize :) So much fun!!

Even Weston loved running around filling his basket!

Afterwards we headed in to make our own Easter eggs with a no stress, no mess egg coloring kit.....

After the grown up ladies - Me, Rachel, Mom and Memaw - attempted to get everything ready so the boys could come in dye the eggs and decorate with stickers - we realized this no mess, no fuss kit was a bit of false advertising. We almost burned down Aunt Jane's kitchen, nearly cracked all the eggs and had to stressfully figure out the best "process" to get the boys in and out without losing their interest. Whew....

The boys had fun anyway and enjoyed the looking at the silly faced eggs!

After all that fun, we headed down to Hendersonville to visit with Nana and Aunt Cindy's crew before heading back to Portland for church and then dinner with Daddy Jack's crew. 

Just another busy holiday in the Napier house! I love that we have so many places to go and so many people to visit. The boys get to see grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts/uncles, great-aunts and great-uncles, cousins, 2nd cousins and even 3rd cousins at nearly every holiday!! What a blessing to have such a big family so close physically as well as so close in our hearts and lives!!!

Happy Easter!!!!

Lads to Leaders/Leaderettes 2012

 

 

Lads to Leaders/Leaderettes was fun and exciting again this year. We spent Easter weekend at Opryland Hotel and the boys participated in song leading as well as oral bible reading. It was great to spend quality time with so many people from our church as well as so many people from other congregations across multiple states. They said this year the attendance was nearly 10 thousand people just for this conference! It was packed and crowded and filled with people! We got there on Friday morning and left early, early Sunday morning to get home to see what the easter bunny had left for the boys before heading off to church.

The boys loved looking at all the pretty things in the hotel.



However, the boys did NOT like all the pictures we were taking, most of which turned out like this....

Well, since our room was not ready until normal hotel check-in time (3:00pm) and the boys had an event at 2:00pm....we went to the car to change clothes :)

Because everyone knows you don't put fancy clothes on young boys for longer than absolutely necessary! Wyatt was nervously contemplating his bible verse on the walk back in. Isn't that the sweetest?!

This was our group of PreK-2nd grade boys that "competed" in bible reading. They don't actually get judged and ranked in any of the competitions until 3rd grade, so everyone in prek -2nd gets a certificate. Our boys did Great!

Wyatt read Matthew 7:12

And Will read Matthew 7:13-14 

For Song Leading, here are some of our prek - 2nd grade boys. Again they did great! All these boys have been practicing in front of our congregation on Wednesday nights for several months. It takes alot of courage to stand up in front of the entire congregation and lead a song at this age!

Wyatt lead "When We All Get to Heaven". I didn't get a picture of Will, just video, but he lead "This World is Not My Home".

And...... this is Wyatt sleeping while the other 16 boys lead songs :)

Between competitions we got to explore the hotel. We did the boat ride and watched the water show and took more pictures!

Of course the water show needed proper conducting! Will and Weston were very into it!

 Wyatt tried, but with cheeto fingers, it just wouldn't work!

The awards ceremonies at night were really fun....long, but exciting. Our youth won so many awards! It was neat to see the kids go up on stage and get the trophies. The boys especially liked it when a friend of theirs in 3rd grade won a 3rd place trophy for his speech. They thought that was so cool! In a couple of years, Will is going to be at that level.....scary!

The glass elevators were fun too of course.

They were so tired by the time they finally fell into bed!

It's a fun and exhausting weekend!

Springtime fun

Hello it's springtime! And this spring has been beautiful weather for outside play!!

Since this weather has been so nice, we have been outside ALOT. We've even gotten the water house out to run through! In March and April!! Weston loves to play outside and has the boo boo’s to prove it. He has lots of cuts on both knees and a big goose egg on his forehead that he has re-injured 3 times!  Aggregate is hard on toddlers! Wyatt still has a scar on his knees from doing his “toddler  time”.  On a side note, I noticed recently that I carry 3 packages of baindaids and a spray tube of Neosporin in my purse. Along with diapers and wipes of course…now that’s a mom purse

This is why I need so many baindaids! Mr. Tough Guy can do anything his brothers can do!

The boys favorite thing right now is riding to the top of the hill on our road (about 3 houses away which is the farthest they have EVER been allowed to go!) and flying down the hill as fast as possible to jump the curb into our yard! They do this with their bikes, the little red wagon and even pushing Weston on the tricycle. I’m just waiting for the moment I hear “hey lets make a ramp”. Not looking forward to that.

Speaking of bike riding...Wyatt has learned to ride sans Training Wheels!!! Yep. He's a 2-wheeler now :)

 

Just look at him go!!

He has been begging us non-stop for the past couple of weeks to take his training wheels off, but the timing just hasn't been right.  So this weekend at Memur and Pepaw's house, he got to ride one of Will's old bikes without the trainers and he learned so quick! Uncle Drew pushed him all around their grassy hill until Wyatt was riding on his own! Today he begged me to take them off his bike...so I did...and off he went! No problems, no worries, just free ridin'! At 4 years old no less!

In other randomness, Will and Wyatt have both started baseball (t-ball for Wyatt) and they are loving it! Over spring break, Will wrote a story entitled "The Will Book". I will type it out here for your reading pleasure (with his creative spelling and all):

Once there was a superhero named smlyman (smelly man). He had the pawer of scunks (skunks).  His sidekick was chicknman. He had the pawer to poop out big boldeers (boulders) of eggs. The iname (enemy) was cald (called) erthman (earthman). His pawer was to dustry (destroy) the erth. He wod do inething to tri to duschray (destroy) the erth. Smelyman use's his pawer on him and chikenman poop's a egg on him but it is no yoos (use). Erthman has a shild he uses on smlyman and he penchis (punches) chikinman to. It is pabach (payback) time sed (said) chikinman sed (said) with a grin. He shot his nives out.

Well, that's all he wrote. Kinda cracked me up a bit. 

Here are some other things that have made us smile lately:

Quotes from Will: "Dad, I know you know how to do it your way. But what I’m trying to do is find a way to do it better and faster." Also, he  now  wants to be an agricultural engineer. Yep, thats right. And what will he do as an Agricultural Engineer?  figure out how to grow apples and use pesticides that won’t make people sick - of course.

Quotes from Wyatt:  "hmmm, ….perhaps yes".  Riding his bike  today, “I just keep getting all squirlly”. ;  last night at bedtime, “dad, in case you forgot, puppy dog is downstairs in my bag…just in case you want to go get him.”

Quotes from Weston: "mom,mom" that's what he calls me. When I ask, do you have a dirty diaper? "Not meeeee, not mom mom, not dad dad" Or He'll say, "not meee" I'll ask, well then who has a stinky diaper? "daddy"  ; woo woo = his foo foo ; bkey = his blanket; ask him why not?  “cause”; "predy pease" with a sweet smile and a side head tilt;  anytime we go anywhere - upstairs, outside, to the bathroom, he says, "me too, me too"

And Ava Belle: She is getting bigger and sweeter! She loves to wear bows (even though she looks mad in these pictures, she really does love them!) She is 3 months old and weighs 6.6 lbs. She just went for her last set of puppy shots!

Isn't she sweet!